Monday, August 11, 2014

Vid Of The Day: 8-Bit Matrix


Craigslist Ad Of The Day: You Farted During "Boyhood"

best of craigslist > los angeles >

You Farted During "Boyhood"

There we were, just enjoying a nice quiet Saturday night at the movies. A slow mover, Linklater's "Boyhood." Some popcorn. A few sodas.

Nothing really happens in the film, we found. For about 90 minutes or so we stare listlessly at the screen. It's a thinking man's film, I say. Beautifully shot. It's about life, and death and relationships and things of that nature.

Just then, at a brief, carefully-timed cinematic pause in dialogue, an enormous fart from somewhere in the back pierces an otherwise silent movie theatre. It had the impact of a baseball bat hitting a leather couch, or George Foreman working the heavy bag. Whack. Loud, deep and masculine.

The seat cushion heroically absorbed most of the blow, but not enough that each and every person in the movie theatre instantly burst into nervous laughter. The laughter continued for what felt like a good 5 minutes, until tears streamed down our faces.
Even well after the blast, we quietly chuckled to ourselves with a 'remember the time that guy farted in the movie theatre' gleam in our eyes. And just like that, with a soft chuckle and a deep breath, we were back into the film. Things happened, people drove around Texas, relationships came and went, there was crying, there was hope. It was as if we had all forgotten about the fart that had brought us together that night.

As the sun began to set on screen, the teenage boy, no longer a boy, transitions into an adult, before our very eyes, and looks, intently, lustfully into a young girls eyes, as if to lean in for a kiss, and braaaaaaap. Another fart from the back row, like two giant hands clapping together, and the screen goes dark, roll credits.

We decided, after laughing our way out of the theatre, and all the way home, that this was the best movie that we had ever seen.

I imagine the lone fartist sauntering off into the sunset. His work here done.

If only I could say thank you, kind sir. You are truly a master of your craft.

Questionable Boat Names Of The Day

A few are clever but most are awful.

News: Drunken Woman Attacks Flight Crew With Prosthetic Leg

She was hoppin' mad, I guess. From UPI. I didn't think UPI existed anymore, but I was mistaken.
Flight Diverted After Allegedly Drunken Woman Attacks Crew With Prosthetic Leg

EDINBURGH, Scotland, July 31 (UPI) -- A Thomson Airways flight from Tunisia to Edinburgh was diverted to London after a drunken passenger allegedly attacked crew members with her prosthetic leg.

The woman told the flight crew that she wanted "cigarettes and a parachute." When they asked her to hush up, she allegedly slapped a little girl and then started swinging with her leg.

"We were coming back from Tunisia when this lady kicked off. She was off her face on drink," said witness John Smith, the Edinburgh News reported.

"She slapped a young girl and then assaulted the cabin crew with her prosthetic leg. They took it off her, but she started kicking them with her good leg."

The 48-year-old was subdued and the pilot made an emergency landing in London. The woman was removed by police for questioning.

"It sounds funny, but it was not a laughing matter at the time. It was serious. She was totally drunk. It was pretty shocking," Smith said.


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