Monday, August 18, 2014

WTF Comcast? Of The Day, Vol. 2

I still want this job. From WTF Comcast.

(See Volume 1 here.)

Study: 63% Of All Human Speech Occurs Under Breath

From The Onion.
Study: 63% Of All Human Speech Occurs Under Breath

WASHINGTON—According to a study released Thursday by the Center for Applied Linguistics, nearly two-thirds of all human speech transpires under people’s breath.

“Our data indicates that, whether in the form of hushed grumbles of anger, a half-delivered retort, or quiet self-berating, the majority of all spoken language is delivered in barely audible mutters,” said researcher Erin Wightman, adding that a sizable quantity of all human vocalizations are imperceptible insults made while walking away from an argument, a meeting with one’s supervisor, or a pleasant conversation with someone that the speaker simply does not care for.

“We found that many people will whisper to themselves at night about mistakes made earlier in the day, while others will pepper in low-volume sarcastic comments while interacting with coworkers or family members.

The sheer number of words that are spoken for no one else’s benefit is astounding.”

Wightman then went on to make a muffled, half-intelligible comment about both her fellow researchers and the gathered members of the press.

Epic Rap Battle Of The Day: George Washington vs. William Wallace (NSFW)

Another good time from Epic Rap Battles Of History. NSFW (language).

News: Man Poses For New Mug Shot Wearing T-Shirt With Photo Of His Old Mug Shot

Dipshit. From The Smoking Gun.
Maine Man, 19, Poses For New Mug Shot Wearing T-Shirt With Photo Of His Old Mug Shot

In a marvelously meta moment, a 19-year-old last week posed for a jail booking photo while wearing a t-shirt with a reproduction of the mug shot taken of him after a June arrest for drunk driving.

Robert Burt was busted for operating under the influence and driving without a license. Burt, a resident of the central Maine town of Pittsfield, posed for a June 14 booking photo (seen below) at the Somerset County Jail. He was wearing a white t-shirt and held a slate in his right hand.

(read more)

Creepy Children's Books That Every Kid Should Read (Of The Day)

When I was a kid I read a few pages of my sister's copy of Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret? NIGHTMARES.

From Flavorwire:
"Amazon’s editors released their picks for “100 Children’s Books to Read in a Lifetime” recently . While no one’s knocking Babar or Harry Potter, the list felt like it was missing some of our favorite strain of children’s lit: the creepy kind. Although a few notable exceptions — Coraline, Where the Wild Things Are — certainly raise the hair on young readers’ necks, we were nonetheless inspired to put together our favorite children’s lit that’s more macabre than Mr. Popper’s Penguins." 

The Graveyard Book follows Nobody “Bod” Owens, whose parents are brutally murdered by a member of a society called the “Jacks of All Trades” when he’s an infant. Bod grows up in a graveyard instead, raised by its ghosts and given the ability to pass through physical objects like a ghost. Despite its violent beginnings, the book plays out as a touching coming-of-age story.

Sendak’s best-known work is actually the middle installment of a trilogy meant to represent the emotional development of a child. With that bit of trivia out of the way, let’s focus on In the Night Kitchen, the “predecessor” to Where the Wild Things Are (though it was published seven years later). It’s the story of a toddler named Mickey’s dream journey through a bakery, complete with the bread-plane pictured on the cover. There’s also nudity involved, and a narrow escape from being baked alive.

A 13-year-old boy grows to gradually accept his mother’s terminal illness via late-night conversations with a monster made out of branches and leaves. Written based on an idea from a cancer patient, A Monster Calls is the sort of fantasy book that derives its power from being deeply realistic.

All of Roald Dahl’s humor veers towards the black; Charlie and the Chocolate Factory‘s appeal comes as much from our schadenfreude at the other brats’ fitting punishments as from pure-hearted Charlie’s eventual victory. But few of Dahl’s works are as delightfully, consistently spiteful as The Twits, a vastly underrated story of the world’s worst people in the world’s worst marriage. Animal abuse and shrinking diseases play a prominent role.

(More here)


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