Wednesday, September 3, 2014

News: Woman Impaled Through Buttocks While Texting And Driving

Oh well, what's one more hole down there?
Woman Impaled Through Buttocks While Texting And Driving

ELIZABETH, Colo., Sept. 2 (UPI) -- A woman impaled herself on a pole Wednesday when she crashed her vehicle at low speed after briefly looking down at a text.

Christina Jahnz told KUSA that she was leaving Elizabeth Middle School after her daughter accidentally left her saxophone at home.

The trip made Jahnz late for a business meeting, so she tried sending a voice text to a friend as she drove from the parking lot at a speed of 20 m.p.h.

"I looked down to make sure it was all right. The next thing I knew, I was looking up, there was white powder from the air bags deployed," Jahnz said.

The vehicle struck a guardrail, sending a pole into the front of her truck, through her thigh and buttocks and into a rear door.

Local firefighters were called to the scene and had to saw off the front and back ends of the pole before rushing Jahnz to the hospital.

(Read more)

Cheese People Of The Day, Vol. 2

From the blog, Cheese People. And acid people, apparently.

News: Man Kicking Self For Wasting Valuable Plate Space At Beginning Of Buffet Line

From The Onion.

Man Kicking Self For Wasting Valuable Plate Space At Beginning Of Buffet Line

FAYETTEVILLE, NC—Moments after taking generous servings from the first several steam trays at all-you-can-eat restaurant Pepper’s Kitchen, local man Lucas Schultz was reportedly kicking himself Friday for squandering precious plate space at the very outset of the buffet line.

Schultz, who took stock of the wide array of appetizers, pastas, side dishes, and meats offered on the homestyle smorgasbord, is said to have identified the mistake almost immediately while adding an unnecessary second scoop of green bean casserole to his already packed plate, causing him to mentally chastise himself for his reckless lack of foresight.

“Man, I really screwed this one up,” said Schultz, looking up from the plate loaded with steamed corn, scalloped potatoes, and macaroni salad to see that he had left little room for the wealth of dining choices still to come in the 20-foot-long buffet. “There’s no way I need this much red beans and rice. And it’s taking up, like, a quarter of my space.”

“If I knew there were barbecue wings, I wouldn’t have even taken most of this stuff,” the 37-year-old added.

(read more)


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